It's a shame, really. And, a pity...

...that I have not visited my own diatribe in months. So many reasons really, now that I think about it:

• Sometimes saying (writing) it makes it more real.
• It was created as a suggestion for therapy, but sometimes it just gets too depressing.
• For a long spell we were in another lull while holding.
• I am spending my words on other blogs.
• Time has become such a commodity.

Many things to be thankful for this season. Kate is pushing through her college education as if it were a race, moving into new digs, and working a part time job since June. She still comes home on Fridays, but works most of the weekend leaving out on Monday morning for a noon class. Kate knows that if too many days go by without her daddy laying eyes on her creates issues and manages her class schedule accordingly. She's adding a minor to her schedule and a few soft courses as everything on the horizon for her revolves around her major. Finishing up the first semester of her second year and already 61% complete amazes me. Smart, focused, driven. Just like I like it.

We recently had a scare with our daughter-in-law, but seem to have thankfully dodged a bullet. After a six weeks of testing, nothing significant was found to explain 3 spots on her brain. Joni is a trooper and has a Trojan will. When she started nursing school, she announced that she would be concentrating on geriatric care (and that she could one day help me with Bill). Joni gives large and gives privately and is like nobody else I have ever been around. In her heart and in her body, she knows something is just not quiet right. Knowing that she had anything going on in her brain sent me into a tailspin. Having become very aware of what any kind of brain deficiency does to not only the patient, but everyone within striking distance seems to invoke slight panic....around here, anyway.

I prayed diligently for nothing short of a complete healing for Joni. God is good, that way. We have an understanding. He is fully aware that my pail is full. No doubt about it. Blessings come in all kinds of ways, I just have to remind myself to recognize them.

A busy summer ended with several days at the beach with our good friends, the McKays. This has become a yearly ritual to spend time with them on the most beautiful stretch of beach in the world. We left earlier for home than originally planned, as Bill began having issues finding the right bedroom. The longer we stayed, the worse it got. I would probably rather be at the beach than any other place in the world and only hope that before my time expires, there's a window of opportunity for me to soak up vitamin D without a schedule.

We had Andrew, Preston and Taylor Paige from Texas and Will and Meghan from Boston. House was full from June 1st until Labor Day. It is a joy for me to know that they want to come. We still don't do a lot, but I suppose we manage to find things they enjoy.

Susie comes from Boston every chance she gets and I cannot describe in words how wonderful that has been. To have someone to talk to until the wee hours of the night, someone who loves WB as much as I, who doesn't witness the daily grind, that sacrifices work schedules and leaves her kids, to just acknowledge and support us girls and then the bonus, she brings with her Maddie, Dalt, Meg and Will - it's been a wonderful thing. To know that she knows WB has nothing to offer, nothing to share, nothing at all and yet still makes the trek. I admire her. Any difference of opinion we have ever had is long forgotten as we focus on WB's needs. Another blessing.

Several days a week, Michelle wrangles WB for me, either taking him on rides or running errands. By the time he rises in the morning, I been studying for hours and she's taken over his first cup, the pop tarts and his morning medicine routine. It is a pretty tough job, but she can keep him entertained until at least after lunch. Michelle absolutely handles the heavy lifting.

Since May, I've been able to make one weekend trip to the beach with Sheri, a weekend trip to Memphis with the girls and one ballgame with Kate. Other than that, its pretty much all hands on deck. Sometimes you just have to get to a place where you know its going to be easier on everybody and resist at all costs "not upsetting the apple cart". It won't be easy with the sitters finally start coming, as WB just does better staying at home with the people he knows.

Moving on to the white elephant in the room, the reason the Blog exists at all, the main attraction...

It's just not good. You can dress it up, splash a little cologne on it, prop it up in a window - you just can't make a purse out of a sow's ear, which was once one of WB's all time favorite sayings. Not too much more to say about it except:

•  Can no longer organize the materials for a sandwich.
•  Can no longer cut his meat, butter his bread, ties his shoes.
•  Train of thought is down to seconds.
•  I could once finish his sentences, now I have no idea most of the time what he's trying to say.
• We pretty much communicate for him.
• Lots of crying and frustration.

I absolutely know without doubt the Alzheimer's medications are having little to no effect. However, he still never misses a dose as I refuse to chance it and daylight savings time is for the birds when there's an AD patient in the house. Just this afternoon at dark, he emerged from the bedroom fully dressed, pockets packed and dragging his shoe laces ready to head out the door. I'm not sure where we were going and it took a good 30 minutes to convince WB that we were not going to see "that other boy". He never could tell me who that other boy was, but it took a bowl of tomato soup and three grilled cheese sandwiches to get the cow back in the barn.

Just another one of those textbook symptoms, having slept in the den chair for three years keeps me pretty tuned in to the sun-downing and night wandering. Supposing now the meds it would take to keep him down all night would kill him outright, we just roll with the punches. At 2:00 am this morning and after hearing the biggest racket ever, I found he had moved the comforter and quilt off the bed and was having a Baptist pallet in the master closet floor. You may say leaving him there to sleep it off a great option, except for those damned consequences...

This is daily living, folks. Much like having a toddler in the house, its hell on wheels.And the stupid questions still keep coming, "How's Bill, is he getting any better?"

You're kidding, right? Just Google Alzheimer's. Please. Do it for me. Do it for yourself. Just do it.

His doctors, our neighbors, friends and people who you would never suspect have started opening the door to counsel. Kind words or just a look to let you know that they see the toll its taking and that it is okay to feel helpless. Never encouraged to take another route, just an acceptance that we're still in the weeds without a whacker. Ironically, I now see relief coming from those who recognize caregiver needs. As if to say, "we're shoring you up so that you can keep the vigil."

Since being blunt is one of my hallmarks or (faults), I see no reason to hold back now. You just have to get here to know what its like to see who's still standing with you. Then, you better have the guts to accept who is not.

Interestingly, this came out of my mouth tonight, "To know him now, is to love him most precious. A man who once feared nothing or nobody. A man who dedicated his life to his family and his children. Helpless and vulnerable. And of his antics he says, "I'm sorry, Honey." To which I now reply, "Not as sorry as I am."

The shame is that I see a shift in the focus. The pity is that I am in favor of accepting it. For most who are closest to us, who care and spend the time to really know what's going on, the question has become, "How are y'all holding up?" Upon reflection, perhaps they're starting to see a crack in the rock.

My name is Rhonda Brantley and my husband, Billy Ray Brantley suffers from Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia. This is the best shot we have at documenting daily living.

Say It Ain't So

Having purchased this book twice in two separate editions,  both have completely disappeared from this house. It was recommended to me immediately upon WB's diagnosis and probably prematurely. People can tell you what happens with AD patients, but you really do not realize it in it's entirety until you're living it or living with it. Unfortunately, Alzheimer's begins to define everything in your life and in the lives of everyone watching as it completely takes over.

Having never recommended The 36-Hour Day to friends and family before, now's your chance to pick up a used copy somewhere. It really does not matter which edition, the scope is the same.

Believing we can find humor to deflect reality is just my style so naturally I have been putting off the inevitable as if saying it out loud or writing it down would make it a more reliable statement of fact.

I picked up 'say it ain't so' from a friend of mine many years ago. After some remarkable comment,  she would always reply, "Say it ain't so" and I would laugh out loud. Now, I fear that saying it out loud will make it so, therefore I have been putting off having this conversation with myself , much less others. To write it must mean it is so, so here we go.....

WB's condition has taken another dive over the last couple of months. Normally, I do not recognize subtle day to day changes, but lately they have been overall significant.

Speech for him has been troublesome and for the last several years he has communicated in questions.

Up until just recently we could figure it out, read his mind or finish his sentences. With very limited two-way conversations these days, I am  keeping my sentences short and am presenting my questions to him that allow one word answers. The Alzheimer's is definitely damaging the pathways in his brain, now, making it difficult for WB to find the right words and to understand what we are saying. He regularly substitutes words for others and invents entirely new words altogether.

For a long while, WB would have days where he would call his friends from his cell phone to chat about this and that. The pattern is, he will call them and try to get a few words in and then hand the phone to me. His last call to one friend ended in great frustration. Recently, more frustrating for the friend than for WB when he shouted at me, "Rhonda, I just cannot understand what Billy Ray is saying!" Most days, I try and hide the phone.

Reminded by a friend of mine that it is some days like communicating with a toddler. Do not tell him we are going to do something or that we are expecting someone too soon or you will be queried on it non-stop until it happens.

I also remember being able to tell him to slow down and it will come. Now, it doesn't come at all.

At home, the girls and I are constantly transitioning to accommodate, and the car leaves the garage less and less. He seems content to loiter around shuffling his feet waiting on his next meal or snack. Where he would once watch a hunting and fishing show for hours, there is less interest and this must be that he is no longer processing it. 

Sitting down in the basement garage in front of the fan is something he has always enjoyed and it just hit me recently when going through old family photos that it was something his mother and daddy did as well. Finding his new respite on the back porch, I realize he is wanting to venture out, but is  still staying even closer to the back door.

That said, we will work next week on making the back porch more accommodating for him.  Existing furniture moved out, and something more comfortable moved in, perhaps fans and a new umbrella. Whatever it takes. We have already moved the bird bath out back and the new bird feeder is ready to hang.

WB is now living the 36-hour day ~ so we are going to just settle in and live it with him for awhile.

My name is Rhonda Brantley and my husband, Billy Ray Brantley. suffers from Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia. This is the best shot we have at documenting daily living.

Mama, I'm Hungry (Part 1)

Growing up in Houston, my brothers and I experienced the the aftermath of many a hurricane. Even for a child, having no water or power for weeks at a time is grueling. The standard drill was Baptist pallets down a long narrow hallway common to most 1970's ranchers.

In Birmingham, basements are pretty standard unless you reside in tract housing or garden homes on concrete slabs. Even the smallest and oldest homes here sit on at least a crawl space. Finding a safe place for us generally includes a set-up downstairs with chairs, bedding and flashlights.

Oh, how I love a good rain and the sound of distant thunder. Before last Wednesday, bad weather had never been much of a concern for me.

Wednesday morning, we received early reports of downed trees all around us, many without power and the threat of school and businesses closing by mid-day. It seems the Governor had issued a State of Emergency for Alabama citing the worst was yet to come. I studied on and off  most of the day to the sound of distant chain saws with little worry.

Our youngest daughter, Kate, is finishing her Freshman year at the University in Tuscaloosa which is  just 40 minutes away from us and as the crow flies, a straight shot home for her here in western Jefferson County. Generally, any storm coming from the west passes through Tuscaloosa county and we are generally on the receiving end within the hour.

We talk to Kate several times a day. Generally a call from her on the way to class, sometimes on the way back to the dorm, often before lights out. A reflection on her day, a catch-up of events around here or just a courtesy call to assure us that our chick is in a nest (somewhere).

A good friend called early in the afternoon to say she was heading our way to ride out the Wednesday afternoon storms as there were reports of no power at her home for at least another 24 hours. It was not uncomfortably warm out, but the threat of no power, television or internet more than justified their visit.

Sometime between her call and arrival, I had myself worked up to near hysteria.

Glued to the television in the den with the back door open to the deck, I paced (wilder than wild) while watching the F4 tornado speed straight toward the University of Alabama campus. Kate and a few of her closest friends were in the stairwell on the second floor in Blount's Living Learning dorm. With sketchy cell service, we made a plan to either stay on the phone together during the storm or exchange text messages at 5-minute intervals.

Every other communications devise in our home was exploding with friends and family reaching out to make sure she was in a safe place, as everyone we knew appeared to be watching the same horrific detail. Forget any commentary from newscasters reporting that UA would be a direct hit, the visuals alone were hard to process.

This pretty much sums up that period of time:

From our perspective, it appeared the funnel cloud was within 200 yards of the stadium when we lost the video feed and simultaneously lost cell coverage with Kate and poof, she was gone. It would be some 12 minutes before we received a random text from an unknown number with, "I'm OK."

It appeared the University was spared and except for power in their building, all was well. Our last communication with her was on Facebook as laptop and cell phones were running out of juice with no way to recharge. We decided to maintain as much battery life as possible and sign off for the night.

Up early Thursday morning, my plan was to prepare food for her and deliver several meals to get her through a long weekend of studying in preparations for finals. After finally chatting with her on the computer about 9:00 am, it was confirmed that classes had been canceled Thursday, but the rest of week, weekend and following week were still as planned. At 9:30 am she sent me a message, "That sounds good, mama. But, I'm hungry." With a campus-wide power outage, dining would be a problem, therefore my plan to prepare a few meals for her seemed the right thing to do.

It is not uncommon for Kate to take home cooked meals back with her to heat up and very often there is enough to share with her dorm mates who do not get home as often. How then could I feed her without feeding her friends? No problem, I would prepare for at least 10. Oh my, how then could I prepare for 10 without preparing for at least those in her dorm building? 

That's when things got a little crazy:

• By 10:00 am, I had received two calls. Merry Margaret Coggins and Valerie Springer
• By 10:10 am, it was decided that we would gather supplies to feed 40-50 students and deliver
• By 11:00 am, Facebook posts were flying
• At noon, we had amassed 40 cases of water (Costco and Walmart) two trays of sandwiches from Imperial Catering, 100 hot dogs and $100 gift card from another Walmart
• By 1:00 pm, Erin Dunavant ramped us up with Quiznos with a challenge to buy ready made sandwiches (200 in all)
• By 1:15 pm, Tazikis had donated 90 chicken roll-ups and 270 more as our friends were calling in orders there (Harbins, Lindsey Hill). Joe's Italian was preparing a large pan of Rigatoni, PF Chang's lo mien, and Chuy's would be throwing in chips and dip
• With Wade scheduled to pick up water, it was decided that he would spend the $100 gift card buying Pop-Tarts and breakfast foods
• Merry Margaret would pick up the sandwiches, after coordinating pick-ups in Riverchase - more water and gift cards
• Pay-Pal payments from our personal friends coming in from Jim Popper and Karen Douglas for ice and paper goods, cookies, crackers, fruit, etc.

At 3:00 pm, parked in our scheduled meeting place, a gentleman rode up and handed me a sack of homemade sandwiches, a sack of Chick-File, 3 cases of water, a bag of oranges and a box of chips. Lori Sullivan had posted our efforts on a local television blog site. Merry Margaret, Wade, Valerie, Lori, Sierra, Luis, Michelle and I loaded two vehicles to capacity. At 3:44 pm, we were on our way.

I suppose you don't think about it, you just do it. Personally, I had seen no television coverage during the day on Thursday while manning the phones and computer and perhaps that could have changed the momentum. This day, 3 middle-aged mamas never considered an alternative or warnings to stay away.

Our baby girl was safe and I now know other parents who went through the same 30-minute gut wrenching ordeal. We know of parents who lost their babies and cannot imagine it. How grateful we are that Kate came home with us Thursday night and is at this very moment is sleeping in her own bed.

There is more to this saga, but it is time to feed the monsters. How did we get there and how did we get in with so many obstacles and so many trying to thwart our ambition?

What she said and what I heard was, "Mama, I'm hungry." 

What my friends heard was, "Mama, we're hungry."

In less than 5 hours, a double handful of people fed a dinner and a breakfast to 500 students, rescue personnel and storm victims in the student rec, along 15th Street and Alberta City.

This random act of kindness would have been absolutely impossible without the help and love of our closest friends. A special thanks to:

Merry Margaret Coggins

Valerie Springer

Lynn Morrison

Clay and Julie Harbin

Erin Dunavant

Lori Sullivan

Lindsey Hill

Debbie McCorkle

Kelsey Crumpton

Michaela Haynie

Wade Brantley

Michelle Gill

Luis

Sonia Bertolone (Joe's Italian)

Celia and Peggy Turner (Imperial Catering)

Jim Popper

Karen Douglas

PF Chang's

Chuy's

Tazikis

Walmart - Bessemer and Pelham

Costco - Hoover
Bill Bailey

(Please advise and my sincerest apologies if I've omitted your name)

LUV

My name is Rhonda Brantley and my husband, Billy Ray Brantley suffers from Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia. This is the best shot we have at documenting daily living.

Baseball, anyone?

Tyler, Big Daddy, Austin & Aidan

 
My name is Rhonda Brantley and my husband, Billy Ray Brantley suffers from Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia. This is the best shot we have at documenting daily living.

Shopping Cart Wars

Lord, where do I begin?

So much to say and yet lately, so little time to say it. Am hopeful with introspect that I have used the Blog being down to make excuses for myself.

First, I've joined a business group, actually joined it a couple months ago. A very dear friend invited me and I finally did attend (literally kicking and screaming). More than anything, we thought, it would get me out of the house and exposed to some kind of commerce one morning each week. Although I have not submitted my official membership, the decision is made....going to be hanging out with those folks as I have literally fallen in love with it. 

Approaching four years under a rock is justifiable. Right?

Since my last post,  a terrorist is dead, we've had a deadly tornado outbreak, I've had a birthday celebration with friends, we've had out of town family in, Michelle has recovered from her last foot surgery and it looks as if Kate may be having one. Pain in her side a month ago turns out to be a cyst on her spleen. How does this happen? She was sure that it was a relapse of the EBV, so then was I.

Pretty sure something when ace-deuce while I was incubating my kids. My brag book is all-inclusive, complete with awards and accolades, but they've both had health issues completely separate my gene pool. Was it their diet, the environment, karma? Nonetheless, the proposal is to line up a surgeon and get the spleen cyst taken care of post haste.

As for WB, the decline is evident, slow and steady. Well I say slow and steady, however family and friends visiting may report otherwise. If you haven't seen him in some months or even weeks, it could be a shocker.

I prayed for patience when taking him out this past Saturday to run a few errands. Basic necessities were needed; food, water, toilet paper, dung for the fig trees and tomato plants. A couple of hours out and certainly not a huge haul. Upon our return, he fell into his chair in the garage and slept until after dark. Kate and I just decided to leave him be with the light on and door open. It went something like this....

On these excursions, I outfit him with his own buggy for coordination and something to hold on to. Saturday, he ran the buggy over my heals and into the back of my ass no less than 10 times. Then, just when I am sure he's still directly behind me, WHAM, he's gone. I took a left and he never made the turn. Feeble, that's the word.

I forget about the missing faculties until we're out like that and am astounding at how much is missing. Simple commands, direction, suggestion, commentary.

Reflecting on the ordeal while driving home, there was no time to wonder how this must make him feel. He told me in four short bursts. "I sure do love you", "I'm sorry", "That scares me", "I'm thirsty".

Got to run with a promise to post more soon....

 

My name is Rhonda Brantley and my husband, Billy Ray Brantley suffers from Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia. This is the best shot we have at documenting daily living.

Follow Me There.....

Roughly 10 days since Susie and Meghan left on their trek back to Boston, but it seems to me like it has been at least a month. They were in town for nearly a week and their visits normally include more family coming by to hang out, visit, play games, watch movies, grill out or whatever strikes a fancy. All but one of her children spent time here that week (Dalt and Gracie came in from Georgia and Maddie stopped in a couple of times). 

Lately, I have worked myself into a different attitude about it. I no longer make plans or try to work around anybody's schedule. We are here, company is always welcome, there is always something to eat and drink. Ever reluctant to call for reinforcements with an opinion that if you don't recognize there is a big elephant in the room sitting on my chest, so be it. WHOA, that was a powerful statement. Isn't that really what it is? If an elephant is sitting on your chest, you may feel trapped, anxious, short of breath, tired from the struggle of getting loose, abandoned, helpless, fear of the outcome ~

Digressing, Susie's first day with WB was a trip to the barber shop and grocery store to stock up on Meghan's rubbish requirements and ice-cream for her Big Daddy. Not a full-on disaster, but enough to cause a crying jag for Susie in the hall bath upon their return. I was pretty sure all along Susie was connecting with me on the level of her dad's impairment, however, now I know she understands in just a few short hours what we go through 24 hours a day.

Additionally, she has offered to come in and stay with WB the week I had planned to travel to Costa Rica on vacation. A solo trip, with perhaps a girlfriend or two, I had great plans to lolly gag around not worrying about much of anything but have still been unable to pull the trigger on the ticket purchase. Not that it won't be grand, as I will be pampered by great friends. Its the fallout I fear.

Getting WB motivated to do much of anything is a trying proposition. He so needs the exercise but is essentially helpless. Just last week, I sent him outside to rake leaves from the flower beds. Walking out to check on him in less than an hour, he is sprawled out on the lawn, on his back, taking a nap. All the while, Michelle (less than two weeks post-surgery on her foot) was balancing herself with a crutch and a rake trying to complete the task for him. Classic.

And, as much as I try and monitor the phone activity, he always manages to sneak around and find his cell phone. Too much news from old buddies or his inability to communicate creates additional stress. So, when he called Spud on Monday afternoon, he learned that Peggy Brantley had passed away and within minutes he could not remember when relating the news to me who's funeral Spud was headed to.

Downhill from there, he woke this morning not knowing where he was. Everybody does this at some time and one may not find it unusual, except that this morning he was lost for about 15 minutes. Even after seeing me and me talking to him, he was unsteady. Even after admitting to me he knew where he was, I am confident he was only telling me that because he recognized the hysteria in my voice.

From there he cried. Sobbed, actually. Until about 11:00 am when by the grace of God, an old friend came by to visit. A few crying episodes during the visit, but nothing since. Fingers crossed that this was just a fluke and praying that this is not the beginning of what we have feared the most.

Why does he cry? Because he still has enough capacity to understand he is losing his abilities and  it is crushing him. He has little understanding at this point that it is going to get worse and no understanding whatsoever of where this disease it going to take him. Long gone are his abilities to understand its effect/affect on those of us on standby. Helpless.

I am his person and I have touted since the beginning that this is mine to navigate until he no longer knows who I am. For a short time this morning, he knew nothing. Thinking of saddling up for another appointment with Dr. Counce and simultaneously pondering ~ there is probably not much in her arsenal to remedy this.

If you subscribe to this diatribe from afar and have experience with this stage of Alzheimer's, we welcome your advise and comments. If you know WB and are a close friend, relative, son, daughter or member of his extended family, this is your smoke signal. Today, I have few regrets with the level of care I demand that he receive. Rattled, yes. But my conscious is clean.

As a side note, I am posting the theme song from Palin's Alaska. I am not a huge fan, but a fan of Third Day and their inspirational music. The link takes you to a YouTube URL to hear. You can mute my play list below to eliminate any conflict. Enjoy ~ JustBrantley

FOLLOW ME THERE 

Song Lyrics

You need a place where you can find some shelter
Follow me there, follow me there
You want a hand to hold, someone to help you
Follow me there, come on, follow me there

Where love, like a river, flows
Peace like you’ve never known
And joy never ending lives
A place where faith can find
Hope that will never die
Follow me there, come on, follow me there

You need a place to be your sanctuary
Follow me there, come on, follow me there
Where you can lay down all those burdens you carry
Follow me there, come on, follow me there

Where the lost can find salvation
And the lonely finds a friend
Where the sinner finds forgiveness
Won’t you follow me there
Won’t you follow me there.

My name is Rhonda Brantley and my husband, Billy Ray Brantley, suffers from Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia. This is the best shot we have at documenting daily living.

What's up with the water?

Once again, we encounter new things to cope with. Random incidents and actions with Alzheimer patients that are not in any playbook I can find.

Lately, WB has been extremely calm and amiable and I contribute every ounce of that to the perfect dosage of medicines and our continuous, never ending adjustments in the home.

WB's oldest daughter, Susie, is in from Boston for the rest of the week and has her youngest daughter, Meghan, in tow. Meghan is on Winter Break and wanted to make the trip to Alabama this month. She didn't spend a lot of time with us growing up and I appreciate her wanting to be here now. The South is definitely pulling at Meg's heart.

We stayed up late last night to watch the television shows that she likes, eat the ice cream she hauled in and accommodate her ferocious reading habit. It is uncanny how much she is like Kate with the reading. I've always said, "love to read and you will never be bored", but these two take it to another level, altogether.

I check in on WB several times a night and lately have been finding the water running in his master bathroom sink. This morning early, I crept in to take a peek and found it on at full throttle. Must have been running since at least 3:00 am. Thankfully, the sink was open, but that is not always the case. 

How does one lock down the spigots?

Today, the skies are hazy and filled with smoke. I am not convinced it is the wild fires north of here as it smells like a house fire to me. That is a hard smell to forget.

Movies today and then more activities with Susie, etal. No real plans, nothing set in stone, just the promise of having family here for Willie Bill.

My name is Rhonda Brantley and my husband, Billy Ray Brantley, suffers from Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia. This is the best shot we have at documenting daily living.

Getting out.....

We share so much about staying in that I thought we would speak to getting out.

Last night, WB and I traveled up the road a piece to attend Mick and Rick Springer's 50th Birthday Party. Hosted at Val and Mick's home in Alabaster and only a mile from our longtime friends Skip and Cathy McKay. So, when news of our going to the party arose, Cathy demanded that we also stop by to see them. I was nearly giddy with the invite.

It had been over a year since we had visited them in their home and with the thought of some of Cathy's cooking and homemade margaritas combined with some time alone with her, I simply could not resist. 

The scenario has always been: Bill and Skipper Dee gather in the den in front of the television chatting it up while Cathy and I sit around their large island to catch up. She is the queen of the margarita ~ always has been always will be. This has been a standard for about 18 years, however WB no longer gets to enjoy those famous concoctions. Well, perhaps he could, but with the medications he takes I shudder at the prospect of repercussions. There was a funny moment when he said to me, "have another, I'll drive us home." Heck, if the po-po pulled us over in Helena on the way home, we would both end up in the hokey.

It was evident to Skip the decline in WB's communication abilities in just a short time. We had spent Labor Day 2010 with them at our family favorite, Inlet Beach ~ that was just 5 months ago. Strange how I see subtle changes and then remarkable to me how marked they are to people who do not see him so often. Supposing that is the way these things go, it also validates for me some of the issues we face with daily living. Sometimes I just need people to see and experience what I am to help keep my coordinates in check.

From there, we moseyed on over to Val and Mick's to find their party at full tilt. Great music, great food and great times. Early on, I had worried about WB and how he would do, but when people extend their hand to the "legend" before he can get his sea legs under him, it is all good. Warmly embraced by people he had not seen in many years. Some knew of his illness, perhaps some did not but it simply did not matter. Our hosts made no real big play about the elephant in the room and for that I am grateful. First class, all the way. Thinking back to several years ago, WB would have worked the crowd like a champ. Head thrown back with that hearty laugh while swapping stories.....

So, except for the constant tugging at his jacket to try and cover the extra 10 pounds, he assumed his new normal position. Lean, smile and observe.

From attending events several times a week to trying to get to something once every couple of months is not a symptom of not wanting to see people. Sometimes, it just wears me out to make it happen. The party had been on the books for several weeks and we literally began getting him ready for a 7:00 pm party at 11:00 am. His worries over which jeans, what boot, the color of his belt, which jacket, what time will we leave, who will be there, is it cold outside, when will we eat.....like a merry-go-round, it cycles over and over. Round and round and round we go, where it stops, nobody knows.

After two shirt and three jacket changes, I am dressed and ready to walk out the door as he intently studies his fish while sitting in his chair, still in whitey tidies. Clothes have been ironed and laid out on the bed for hours.

He finally got some pep in his step when I casually asked, "well, are you going with me?"

Thirty minutes later with Kate nearly in tears, the animals nervous as hell and I am feeling my blood pressure in my ears, we pulled out of the garage.

It is so important to get him out, but it is getting so hard to make it happen. Lately, when we make doctor appointments, he is spit shined but they get to see me in yoga pants, tennis shoes, a make-up free face with not even a watch on. And, early morning appointments are brutal as they tamper with the ebb and flow.

Cathy called me last evening to check my progress and I told her I was putting on my face to which she then exclaimed, "say it ain't so!"

The girls were shocked when we returned before midnight and had called several times to make sure he was holding up while offering to come and get him so that I could stay.

Andy met us at the door upon our return. He's a keeper!

Once again, the effort was worth the result ~ and Fuzzy the DJ taught me a new dance move! You just can't beat that on a good day. Valerie has become a real constant in my life. Somehow she always knows when to pop up with encouraging words, scripture and prayer or a girls night out. Our instant friendship has matured with understanding, six degrees of separation and a genetic family tie. A real treat last night was to finally meet their precious daughter, Ashley. She is absolutely beautiful ~ inside and out.

They say to expect rain with a busy week ahead. Plans were to encourage him to wash Black Beauty today, but I think we may pass. It has been quiet this morning and with the prospect of getting some studying in along with the assistance he will need to make the car washing chore happen...well, lets just call it spades and say it is simply not on my radar screen.

Until next time,

JustBrantley



My name is Rhonda Brantley and my husband, Billy Ray Brantley suffers from Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia. This is the best shot we have at documenting daily living.

Still mesmerized.....

Houston, we may have a problem....

Newsflash: I finally killed a fish.

Yep, casualty number 1.

It was a newly purchased Plecostomus (algae eater). Although I am now convinced it wasn't anything we did, perhaps it was simply because there was not enough algae in the tank already. Nonetheless, he has been scooped out, bagged and is sitting in the freezer awaiting his return to Petco as they honor a 30 day guarantee. Kate tried to convince me to move him to the outside freezer to keep Michelle from screaming out loud when she went to get ice last night, but hey ~ what's not to like about a little excitement every now and again.

The 36 gallon aquarium is an absolute hit. When visiting Dr. Counce last week, I suggested to her that she mention this to other families of Alzheimer patients. It soothes WB in the most positive way as it puts him to sleep, puts him back to sleep and so far has kept him from wandering at night. Providing just enough noise, a little water noise and now Moze, the rescue cat, is keeping him company. They are mesmerized buddies.

Back to last week's appointment, Dr. Counce has raised the Seroquel to another 5 milligrams twice per day. And, after mentioning my concerns with the high levels of zinc over many years, ordered a heavy metals test for both urine and blood. This is not a hard test, just a capturing of urine at home for 24 hours (on ice) and delivering the following morning to take blood. The instructions said refrigerate so I stored in the water closet in a styrofoam cooler. 

Amy came for her visit Monday morning and volunteered to deliver the specimen and have his blood drawn at the lab. They lunched at the famous Fran's in Pelham where they are always excited to see WB. So the story goes, Mayor Murphy recommended that Bill come to walk the tract at the Pelham Park a couple of times a week ~ NOT. Amy had to remind everybody that the only way to get Bill into a fast walk would be to chase him with a gun.

What he does not know and will find out soon enough, is that when the cold weather breaks, he will be walking with me. May have to up the Seroquel again, as he will be convinced it is punishment.

If you are wondering about Seroquel dosage, WB still takes less than most people we have talked to that have this as part of their prescription routine. I asked Dr. Counce about newAlzheimer's meds and she has me convinced that he is getting the best there is (Namenda and Excelon) and advised that she felt they were continuing the lesson the sharp declines.

Dermatologist test results came back as well and we will be taking WB for surgery on his face next Tuesday morning. Only under local anesthesia, but they have still advised a long day at their office.

Do not have pictures to post from WB's outing on Saturday with Wade, Aiden, Austin and Bill Strickland to the boat show, but he had a fabulous time and was worn out when he returned. An avid freshwater angler, bass club member and boat owner, I was convinced there may be repercussions ~ but none so far. 

And, as discouraged as he has been about not hunting this year, he finally relented, "You know, this has been the only year I can ever remember not hunting. But I just don't think I feel up to it". His way of admitting it or his way of excusing it remains a mystery. Hunter's 8-pt took care of the venison for the freezer and we will look at the pics from the camera at the backyard deer feeder this weekend.

Susie sent WB's birthday present early and Michelle will be taking him out today to find a few glo-fish in neon green.

Will keep all posted on the heavy metals test and the cancer surgery while trying to keep Moze out of the fish tank.

JustBrantley

My name is Rhonda Brantley and my husband, Billy Ray Brantley suffers from Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia. This is the best shot we have at documenting daily living.

A Fish Tank For The Fisherman

Had I known that he liked them, this would have been settled much sooner than now. It was not until our stay with Mike and Joni that the issue came to a head.

They had recently set up a nice fresh water aquarium in their den and it was alive and sparkling when we arrived. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the fish and it was truly relaxing, however WB was mesmerized! 

Just love that word.

Sometimes I find myself mesmerized by certain things, but not too often. Mostly I think I have just about seen it all. For WB, we need him to be mesmerized with something. So many idle hours, so many things he wants to do and cannot, so many times I can tell his anxiety is exacerbated with boredom.

He mentioned many times how he liked their aquarium. Then he said, "I want one of those". BINGO

When he says he wants to go hunting, wants to go fishing, wants to drive, wants to buy a boat ~ it all results in the big fat NO. Zip, zero, nothing, nada. How discouraging that must be for him.

But the aquarium, now that is something I felt we could do something about and rather soon. The plan was for the kids and I to go in together and make it happen for his birthday in February, but he would not let it rest. Moving furniture around to make space for him to either enjoy by sitting in his chair or lying in bed during a cleaning frenzy last week only made it worse.

Of course I must research it a tad only to find that an aquarium is recommended for Alzheimer's patients as it calms aggressive behavior, eliminates stress, holds their attention span and helps with eating patterns.

Once again, that is not in any books I've found on daily living, but I did find these:

http://www.articlesnatch.com/Article/Freshwater-Aquariums/1023722

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/1999/07/990716071547.htm

And excuse me, but where with this venture was there a manual that said you will most likely spend money you did not plan on when setting it up. Kit, tank, hood, light, filter, pump, hose, gravel, background, decorations, chemicals, salt, thermometer, heater, water test strips, food.....forget the fish, that is the least of it. Katie Bug and I have definitely exhausted our allowance this month.

Was it worth it? Heck yea. Would I do it again? Absolutely. We have hit the ball out of the park with this new treat.

It took Kate, Michelle, Hunter and I to get it together and thank goodness Hunter had some experience. Two great friends offered me their 55-gallon tanks, but am simply not that brave nor ready to take on that much responsibility.

Today, we have 6 new very small and very cheap Tetras currently enjoying their new home as I patiently wait on them to die. WB, on the other hand, is asking me when the bigger fish are  coming. I've done the math on the total gallons versus fish count for small community fish for beginners and assumed that is what our program would be.

That said, I assumed wrong. So I then start thinking perhaps 4-5 Angel Fish or Barb on the semi-aggressive side. Wrong again, WB's talking BASS.

JustBrantley

The new camera and more on the trip.....

 

Got the new Canon T2i for Christmas. My kit includes the standard 18-55 lens but we added the new Tamron 18-280 and a Canon Speedlite. It is so smart I am having a hard time using it. And, at 18 mega pixels, nearly everything I try and load has to be compressed. Small price to pay for such a great piece of equipment.

This post only includes pictures taken while riding the back roads in west central Texas. Particularly the areas around Kerrville and Bandera as we took several day trips riding and looking. WB loves this activity and is still quite the spotter. Enjoy!

Catching up....

How in the world do you catch up when you are several weeks behind?

Perhaps it is impossible, as things have been in such a rush all month that I can hardly remember....uh oh. Will not say that out loud around WB because he will advise, "watch out, they will give you medicine for that."

Left Alabama for Texas on Sunday, December 19th. Today, we've been away from home 11 days. Don't know about the specifics for our return, just know that we must have Hunter back by January 5th at 6:00 am and Susie is flying in to visit on the 6th. Could be coming home tomorrow, could be next week, who knows. Lately, its all about how the wind blows.

This jaunt started with a dead battery and a loaded down SUV. Wade came by Sunday morning to make sure we were loaded and washed us down before we pulled out. His comment was so true, "Dad, you would never leave for trip in a truck this dirty." Sure was nice to leave in a clean automobile. I felt energized as our plan was to alternate driving (Kate and I), however, I drove the entire leg. 

Of course, our first stop inside Texas state lines was at a Jack-In-The-Box for $.50 tacos and our next stop was not by choice. It was a 58 in a 45 speeding ticket and my first since before Kate was  born. Was not even in a hurry, so yes, speed trap in Jewitt, Texas and the 'skinny juvenile pock-marked  kid in a uniform' was not amused with me.  Figuring now the little shithead must have been a University of Texas fan and I have the 'BAMA MOM' sticker on the back hatch. That ticket will probably cost no telling what, so the judge will just have to agree to payments.

Next stop, Mt. Vernon Cemetery just outside of Calvert to replace the flowers on the grandparents headstone. This is part of the ritual, this is just what we do. It was my hope to make it down that dirt road and back before dark, however it was really dark before we made it to the gate.

Sweat Headstone, Mt.Vernon Cemetery, Calvert, TX

By headlight shining into the gate and WB's trusty little Streamlite, we got the job done. Mt. Vernon is not a perpetual care cemetery and it is evident that we will be having to do some work soon. But, the flowers are placed and we left once again with the wind blowing through my hair. (Personal and special feeling I get when visiting their grave site. Personal between me and them, I suppose. Not too many people go there to visit, if any. Especially not at night.)

Back on the road again, we made it to Lexington to Unc and Kay's by just before midnight. Unc and I talked until 4:00 am ~ heck, it just took that long to catch up. Visits with cousins and then on the road again. I awoke at 5:30 Tuesday and had us showered, packed and in the car by about 7.

My FAVE Uncle Ernie and Second Cousin, Max

This year marks the first time to be with the Texas Grandies for Christmas Day and Santa Claus.

Traveling from Lexington to Kerrville through Dripping Springs, Johnson City and Fredricksburg is a real treat. Dripping Springs marks the gateway into Texas Hill Country, Lyndon B. Johnson territory and old German settlements. The area is rich in many ways and the livestock is plentiful. High fenced ranches line the highways with elaborate gates leaving us to only guess who lives there. Millionaires, movie stars, country western singers, professional athletes, the retirees and well-to-do end up in the Texas Hill Country and it is probably where I will park my 'arse' and cart one day.

More later, laundry awaits.....

Documenting the trip.....

Well, we have taken the church van to San Antonio to pick up Kate's beau, Hunter. He has never seen Texas and this was his first airplane ride. The weather on Tuesday was incorrigible. Hill Country Texas never experience the frequency and amount of rainfall that we do in Dixie, therefore six lanes in downtown San Antone (as the Texans call it) in the cold rain nearly caused me to take a powder.

Hunter trying on authentic COWBOY BOOTS !

Mike had already taken Kate, WB and I on a ride-about at dusk in Tierra Lenda to see the livestock. Black Buck, Axis, Antelope, Whitetail all roam here freely. Free range here means in your front yard, at the park and walking down the street in a residential neighborhood. Hundreds of high fence hunting and breeding operations are stationed in the Hill County of Texas and they are plentiful. I asked Mike how it was that they were so abundant here and he replied, "Mom, I think there's a lot of people asking that question everyday." Just amazing and we never tire of taking those rides and WB absolutely loves it.

Tierra Lenda Doe

We have eaten well. Chili. gumbo, red beans and rice, Mexican cornbread, baked goods, ham, dressing, homemade mac-n-cheese, tamales, boudin. You name it, we've given it a whirl. Joni is an excellent cook and had prepared in advance and frozen many dishes.

Mike has been trying to work and stops in frequently. I sent him a text yesterday afternoon that we needed a scenic ride and by 3:00 pm, the nine of us were loaded and headed to Bandera to take in Camp Verde and the Apple Store in Medina. It was a great jaunt through the hills and I had managed to get the kids good and sugared up with jelly beans and ice cream.

After getting WB and Keaton down each night, we assume our game faces for Scrabble or Mexican Train but last night we tried Cranium. Good times with my kids.

As for WB, he has convinced himself that he is getting better. He has also convinced himself that his belly (the one that has grown ginormous) is growing into his bladder. He also announced that it was the sole reason that he experienced his first episode of incontinence last night. WB tried very hard this morning to hide it from me but he had no luck. Then, when I actually realized what had happened, I had to remove myself to sob. Tough time to try and find a little privacy for that as it is important to me not to let everybody (especially WB) know that there is a problem, HOUSTON.

I want to say, "hey....no problem, we'll deal with this when we get home".  However, this is a huge issue for me. I've always said that when the incontinence comes, it may change how we have to care for him. Bill is a BIG man and I will look for answers to help me navigate this. Still, it marks a severe milestone in the progression of his Alzheimer's Disease.

Interestingly, Bill has remembered so many of the landmarks here. He can call out what comes up next on a lone stretch of highway, remark about places we stopped before and comment on towns we pass through. So, in spurts, short-term memory back is still firing on things I believe he enjoys, things that make larger impressions on him. And, even with long-term stronger, I am starting to see misfires that I did not notice before.

My uncle called Monday to suggest a deer hunt in Johnson City for Bill and he for a couple of days. Not many people will take this challenge on and I love him so for trying. It may just not work out. WB's hunting and fishing days may be officially over. Perhaps we'll exchange that for more touring, looking and picture taking.

Today, we are trying and make a trip back to San Antone for a tour of the Alamo and famous Riverwalk. It will be our New Year's Eve Eve celebration and we will stay in Friday night. We've pushed our tour of Fredricksburg off until tomorrow. Got to get all of this in.......its a must!

More later....

Our Little Piece of Tejas

My gosh, its has been cold in central Alabama. News reports that it is 9 degrees outside this morning and weather like this prevents nearly all outside activity for WB. I left him alone this week to run errands close by ~ simply too chilly for him.

For many, many years Bill would leave on Thursday or Friday nights during hunting season and not return until Sunday afternoon. He still yearns to participate and tries extremely hard to convince me that he still needs to be up in a tree, with a rifle, out in the woods, alone. Recently, it takes just one trip to get the trash out and he is chilled for the rest of the day. How in the world did he work out in this for so many years? It is hard to imagine.

You may remember a posting about AD patients and their 'fascinations' or 'obsessions'. Like a small sore place on an arm, they will pick at it until it is a full on problem. A mole, a dry patch of skin, nearly anything they can get to will qualify. For at least the past six months, WB is been working a place on the side of his face pretty hard. Just as I get it nearly healed, he'll shave over it too hard or pick at it again. 

With so much sun exposure over the years, the place on the side of his face may actually be a small sun spot and need better attention. I was encouraged with Dr. Lee's suggestion at our last visit to go through a round of antibiotics and creams, cover with a band-aid and all should be okay. However, WB is convinced that the last MRI he had at UAB in the fall is the culprit. He is sure the MRI machine has burned a hole in his face. Looks like a visit to the dermatologist after the first of the year.

Then, as close as that is to his ear, he'll start on that. Now that I have used two bottles of swimmers ear in an effort to convince him that his ear is fine, he's working his eyes over pretty good. So, back to the doctor's office we go this morning. I'm devoid of all remedies at this point and am calling in reinforcements.

Kate came in on Friday and immediately noticed the changes in 'Dad' ~ changes that occurred in less than two weeks. There are some things he simply will not let go of and that is talking to her about grades. It is hard for him to understand that they were not all posted on Friday, or Saturday, etc. but he has asked she and I both many times as if we are not telling him for a reason.

Even though she has a pretty good idea, it will be a wonderful thrill for him to see them in "reading and writing". The drop of her preliminary major due to a bout with EPV, continuing drama within her suite, worries of family at home and Kate still managed to finish off her first semester at Alabama with success. There is certainly nothing we can do to change what goes on at home as it is impossible to keep it from her but keeping her healthy remains a priority. As for dorm room drama, I will remain optimistic in hopes that she can work this out, otherwise I will step in and administer the smack down myself.

Much to do in preparation for our trip to Texas, so this week's itinerary is tight. Michelle and a house sitter will stay behind to provide 24-hour care for the animals and keep the home fires burning. I do not know if it is drug or economy related, but there have been a rash of burglaries in our area.  But, the sorry fool wouldn't do well here as WB has trained us all to 'shoot first and ask questions later'.

Black beauty needs a service, long johns needs to be packed, baking and handmade gifts to be finished. WHEW. I better get to it. Most of our gifts this year come from home. Lasagna, homemade sauces, baked goods, canned goodies, jewelry and quilts. Learning new things and teaching my girls the art of gift giving has been gratifying.

I am hopeful that we will make safe and good time on our trip as we have much to accomplish.  First comes cemetery maintenance in central Texas, then we head west for a stopover with relatives in Lexington. We will push on further west with a loaded Mac as I have numerous projects due. Mike, Joni and the boys have several day trips planned and since Santa came early for me, we will be able to document them with ease. It is not uncommon to see herds of axis, black buck and whitetail freely roaming. WB loves to ride those two lane highways, speculate at the longhorns and is still quite the spotter. Hunter will fly in to meet some of the family and help us make the drive back home.

I am a true shutterbug, however the shape of my old Canon has been producing discouraging results for quite some time. Been waiting all week to share the most unique and thoughtful gift of all.  This shot was taken with my other fave, the new Canon T2i and Tamron 18-270 lens. Kit also came with the new Canon Speedlite. It has been on my wish list for so long, the camera has upgraded twice. I traded the old kit in, then WB, Michelle, Kate and Mike all pitched in to make it happen. It is extravagant for sure, but I have never needed this more than I do today.

My BFF Valerie found this for me and I LUV THIS.  What a special friend she is to me and what a special gift! Been anxious to post it and have already enjoyed wearing it. Thanks Val, I will be wearing my little piece of Tejas all across Texas while holding you close to my heart.

As Christmas draws near, so do thoughts of those less fortunate than I. Whether its illness or economic hardship, loss, pain, hunger or homelessness ~ there will always be needs that are hard to meet.

Note: I do not generally have the time to peruse other blogs and some may find that hypocritical. When I do, it is normally searching for information on blogging, travel, website design,  product and software reviews, economic concerns, housing industry news, Alzheimer's research, things like that. Right away I can tell if I would personally appreciate spending time on the site and nothing will whisk me away quicker than a "rah-rah" false impression. Please do not misunderstand, I just allocate my reading for knowledge and information. Sites that include only "wonderfulness" are not accurate to me. My interests lie in storytellers who are willing to honestly tell things as they are ~ the good, the bad and the ugly. In this station of our lives, we appreciate the real and the now. Tell me something I did not know, give me something worthy to share with others who could also use the information, give us substance and open the lines of communication. Blogging has received bad press as being "just written random thoughts and cuteness".  Just sayin'.

Home For The Holidays

Our little one comes home for the holidays this afternoon after a full week of exams. I suspect that she will end her first semester at the University of Alabama with a bang. Already signed up for next semester's courses, she reports that she is packed and ready to head this way by mid-afternoon.

There are many things that she will come home to expect. Christmas decorations up, tree trimmed, packages wrapped, recipes out and her animals all standing in a row. What she will not expect is the newest subtle changes in WB.

Since I am with him everyday, it is normally less noticeable, however I have gleaned some decline over the last week or two. He now has trouble with plugs. For awhile now he has had a fascination with keeping his favorite things and gadgets close and where he can see them. I had made a space for him in a side table near his chair, but they all end up on top so that he can see them. Its as if he cannot remember they are in a special drawer, but if they're visible all is well.

For months, I would come through his space, tidy them up, put them all back in the drawer but now I just let the rough end drag. 

Another significant change is that I am having to remind him to shower. This has never, ever been an issue with him. I hope that it is the weather as he has complained more about feeling cold. That said, there is now an electric blanket in his bed and his favorite new seat is in my seat in the den near the fire.

Yesterday was a bust for me and my projects. Needier than normal, he wanted me sitting with him. For the first time in I cannot remember, we stayed cuddled up near the fire for most of the day watching old John Wayne movies. It was just about all I could do to sit all day during this marathon, but I made myself do it. For him, for me, for us. How much longer will he care if I sit with him or not? Nobody knows. 

With Kate's scheduled arrival this afternoon, this house is all a-flutter.  Bill asks me many times a day, "is Kate coming home today?"

When I do announce, "Katie's coming home today" the animals get WILD. Andy, her Australian Shepard rescue, will sit at the top of the foyer stairs, staring at the door all day. He still sleeps in her room at the side of her bed each night as if she were still in it. She can walk out on the front porch and call her ducks from the pond a block and a half down the street and they too will come waddling up to see her.

I thought about Snow White this morning and the episode of her in the forest with all the animals as the deer crunched on acorns in the front yard, Hoot was hooting from the nearby woods, the squirrels gathered nuts and frolicked in the back and that old murdering hawk is still perched on the swing. 

Everything seems to be alive this morning, as if they knew our baby is coming home.

Thinking about a Boston Butt, some homemade BBQ sauce and Timberly's famous slaw for dinner. We have projects on the board to finish. Then, mama will pack her brood and head west.

I'll be home for Christmas ~

Another Pre VS Post Alzheimer's Wednesday

Wednesday(s) are my days. 

WB's daughter, Amy, comes each Wednesday to take him on a ride-about. Its one of her days off work and she normally has errands to run, appointments to make, things to do ~ so, she takes her daddy along for the ride. They will visit with old friends, often stopping to eat lunch with #1 son and then return sometime mid-late afternoon. 

Normally, I do not get out. The comforting quietness at home alone has become a luxury.

Then, because Michelle is off on Wednesday nights, I have the opportunity to get out with girlfriends for dinner. Even though we only take advantage of this about once a month, it is a hoot and a holler when it happens. It happened last night ~

One of our favorite haunts is the Margarita Grill in Pelham. Central to all of us, easy to get home from in a margarita induced trance, pretty decent food and GREAT service. Wherever I am these days, I make it a point to be able to get back to WB in 15 minutes or less. Who doesn't love a good margarita?

Since this is officially thoughtful Thursday, it is an excellent time for me review how friendships change while going through adversity and hardships. When work was plentiful and WB was healthy, our social calender was full. It was very common for us to have events and outings planned at least once or twice a week and nearly always had full weekends. At the beach or lake, at a restaurant or concert, a function here, a social commitment there. You only have to visit our closets to see the attire required as they are lined with cocktail dresses, suits in many seasons and shoes for days and days.

People say, "you really find out who your friends are when you......" ~ and that is so true. And, I have. Cathy, Randy, Cindy, Debbie, Price, Bobby, Leticia, Jim, Bill, Stuart, Laurie, Arthur, Peg, Teresa, Jesse and Amy have been constants and I could not imagine life without them. But Sheri, Timberly, Amanda, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Valerie, Amee, Tracey, Bill, Pete, Dianne, Lori, Keith, the tailgate gang, Erin.... Oh my, love is growing daily. I am a lucky, lucky girl to have such wonderful people to share my life with. It fills me up.

Do people intentionally let go of friendships when the rubber meets the road? I think so.

Honestly, I am guilty of letting go of people who I feel can no longer relate to what WB's illness does to your lifestyle. I guess I have really just given them a pass to bow out.  And, when I hear that 3 years post diagnosis one old friend asks another, "do you think he's really sick?" ~ my blood boils and they are fired on the spot. This firing of people is probably something I really need to work on.

Then, I rarely ever remember my dreams, but I woke this morning at 5:30 with a start. In living color and still fresh in my mind this minute, my dream was of running into an old friend I haven't spoken to in nearly 4 years. He was only cordial and brushed me off. My subconscious must be getting the better of me. It was the impetus for this post.

The gaggle of girls I spent time with last night all came together through internet social networking.  We certainly did not observe wordless Wednesday. Even though we knew of each other and had connections before, we really never took the time for each other. It was clear to me after following their posts and comments online, that I needed more of them. I feel that I sincerely knew them before we ever broke bread together. It has been amazing. 

So, what was I thinking? Have I been so preoccupied in the last 15 years that I never noticed how wonderful these ladies are? Absolutely. I am so hopeful they feel the same. What a unique bond we share, how wonderful it is to let the fur fly, how rewarding it is that I can offer the support of a genuine friendship to them. Pondering this morning what I should be doing to nurture my relationship with those lifelong friends I still hold dear.

Newsflash: there is a new section in the closet these days complete with yoga pants, flannel pajama bottoms, extra large T-shirts, Uggs and flip-flops. And for those who haven't tried it, that old mink stroller works well atop just about anything.

Thanks girls, for a wonderful night out ~

Just Brantley