Absolutely incredible.
I have been blogging on and off for the last several years and only recently became serious about it. Back in 2007 when WB was officially diagnosed, Dr. Lee suggested that I write for therapy. Then, appointment after appointment, I would visit the doctors with lists of questions and ideas from the searches I made online and elsewhere. In true Rhonda Brantley fashion, I studied this to a fault, needing to know why, how and when. With AD and specifically Early Onset, there just wasn't enough unique information to satisfy me.
One of my chief complaints to Dr. Lee on a particular visit was the depression and helplessness I felt when trying to explain to our vast group of friends and family the condition, symptoms, etc. and the mechanics of sharing it over and over and over again. "Write", he said. "Do it for you, do it for WB, do it for others."
You can look at my trusty visor, all crumpled up and distorted, to see that I hit a brick wall several weeks ago. Not ungrateful, but overwhelmed at the sheer number of calls from well-wishers with suggestions and ideas on what I should do. This is what I could do for WB, this is how I should handle it for myself, that is how we must do it for Kate, the kids, etc. Overwhelming concern turned into a very large suggestion box. Since so few really know and understand the true fall-out for the affected and not knowing from me specifically and regularly what was going on had opened up the door for hundreds of drugstore antidotes.
Again, grateful and humbled for the support and concern, but the scope and breadth made it hard for me to get my arms around. I walked around for days just manhandling WB and the new medications like a ship wandering aimlessly in the night. Solace came late at night after finally getting him down and I began to type.
SHUT UP! It was a cathartic moment. Rising from the computer, I left those bottled up emotions for my trusty Mac Desktop to process and I walked away.
Unfortunately, I am not a product of higher education and my writing skills are rough at best. But when I quit the search for proper sentence structure and word usage, I found my voice. Then, after searching for other blogs on the suffrage of ordinary people and their day-to-day struggles living with Alzheimer's Dementia for some kind of checks and balances, I came up empty. Stumbling upon this niche was purely accidental and now I feel a responsibility to myself and others to keep this blog active and updated.
Yes, we can find article upon article about the stages of AD; the symptoms, the signs, the treatment. Ultimately, I and others in this situation just need to know if these unique experiences are really unique, common, textbook, etc. Remember, each and every AD patient is different. Sometimes I could just appreciate someone telling me, "Hey you, this is how its going to happen".
Some may say getting into a support group is the answer. HUMMMMM, not so much....yet (for me). Perhaps soon, perhaps when the psyche comes, perhaps when things slow down a bit. I needed instant relief and found it on the keyboard.
I found people (or people found me) who are in the same place. I wake early with dread, but am now able to release several levels of personal anxiety while sharing with others. A mix of our life, our struggles, specific articles found on the subject matter, pictures, music, joyful moments ~
After I started WB's blog about Alzheimer's, I quit writing on my personal blog and directed all traffic here. When my own life pursuits were put on indefinite hold, so did that portal. Someday soon, I hope to export those articles here in archives. But for now, its AD and after AD.
As an active advocate for many causes, this specific shoe fits very well today. I must find those who are tired and exhausted, overwhelmed and anxious, fearful and apprehensive, angry and resentful. Help me find others going through the caregiver experience or who suspect the genetics of dementia. From just a few random comments and emails there is no doubt a need for confirmation on the trials and tribulations of daily living and coping mechanisms.
Even though chosen topics are peppered with personal flair, readers have already provided great subject matter for me to ponder. Taking lessons from others on Search Engine Optimization, Social Media, Blogging, HTML manipulation, etc. justifies my excitement. Unique hits are just that. People came to visit at least once. I push through facebook and have over 700 friends, but that alone cannot justify the recent number of hits on the gory details of Alzheimer's Dementia.
Somebody is spreading this word. Thanks friends. Please keep sharing.
~ RB
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