Raising the Bar

 

Crept outside this morning to get a picture of what Alabamians consider a "medium-sized" snow event. Thinking perhaps 3" and wondering what our peeps in the northeast think of this since they have been under siege and literally digging out for months. Then, I wonder about our peeps to the west and how they so longed for just a dusting. And much farther south, I ponder how my friends down under are enjoying warm and sunny days by the pool.

But mostly, I am enjoying the quiet. Everything is still and it was not until I loaded the pictures did I notice just how motionless life feels today. We are in a time warp, just waiting for what comes next. You cannot make a plan, set a goal or chart life's path.

This is not a self-pity day. It is a day when you can rise at daylight and appreciate the miracles in front of you. There is no other way to interpret it when you slip outside in pajamas and Uggs to document it. There is no second-guessing when the assistance of something larger than myself enables me to shrug off any resentments or missed opportunities, thorns and thistles, exhaustion and pride. Once again, I rise with a refreshed attitude wondering how many times this will happen. 

I stopped myself short last night of saying things that I have never felt, only to see how it would feel to say them. To say things others might say in the same situation, to try and feel how others do when feeling trapped in a time warp; selfish, self-absorbed and self-righteous. Unfortunately, I cannot pull it off, that other person is not me. Although I know a lot of people who put their own needs first and are in awe of their abilities, I cannot subscribe. Instead, I felt horrible stepping off into the "self" pond. Bite your tongue, Rhonda Brantley ~

But, to spend more time on myself, with myself, for myself is something I have decided to do more of. Before, those proposed actions have rendered psychotic breaks, pouting and resentment. Having never put myself first, I am going to at least try and raise the bar to a level playing field. I am thinking of re-scheduling the schedule. This routine has got to change.

First thing on the list is a warm and sunny getaway this Spring (solo). I will pack lighter than ever and suspect the camera kit to be the heaviest item I carry. In the past, vacations were all about where we would go when we got there, what would we do, where we should shop. I shall not be thinking about who took their medicine, who needs to eat, who needs sunscreen. This time, my most pressing concern when rising each morning will be asking, "what are we going to drink today?"

 

 
My name is Rhonda Brantley and my husband, Billy Ray Brantley suffers from Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia. This is the best shot we have at documenting daily living.