The constant innocent throughout was Katie Bug. I couldn't fix what had happened in the past and it was evident to me that WB and I would never agree on the parenting of the older kids. She was something and somebody we could rally around. So we settled in on raising Kate, together. She absolutely flourished and is a constant reminder to all what that level of parenting produces.
It is not necessary at this writing to produce a dossier of our dedication or her accomplishments, only necessary to mention this to get us further along in the story......
Postings continue to change in scope as I feel the need to digress from time to time. Without traveling back, I cannot truly and accurately expose how we got to where we are. Additionally, if the blog is only about the illness, it will never provide the bread crumb trail for this or any other family to follow.
Just last night I received an email from a dear friend who said, "please call me, I am worried about Bill." WHOOP, I am sorry friend, but that's our job. If you are paying attention and spend any time trying to understand this, you will find that if you're doing any worrying, it needs to be going on for the caregiver(s). It is why each and every visit to the doctor ends with this question to me, "how are you doing?" It took me a while to get, but now its as plain as the nose on my face. If the caregiver throws in the towel or breaks, the whole thing comes tumbling down. The patient eventually knows nothing or comprehends the sacrifice. I do not wear this title on my chest as a badge for honor or glory. Once again, it just is what it is.
Six of our children know this and are taking on as much of the responsibility as they can. Some are scattered across the country with families of their own. Kate understands that this portal is part of mama's therapy and reminded me just the other day that I needed to update her daddy's blog. She knows that I abandoned my personal space to chart daily living with AD, therefore these diatribes will try and encompass it all. It is interesting to read back over posts from just a month ago to see the roller coaster of emotions we go through. Anger, fear, helplessness, resolve, understanding, acceptance. WB would say its like "Pete and Repeat". He's right, it will surely repeat itself again.
I cannot expect an elevated understanding by all and still try and accept today the things I can do something about. It is certainly with remorse and grief that we live with daily, but it reminds us constantly that fate does not discriminate.
That said, I expect the baby of this brood to eventually query the rest of her family, gather all of this fodder up and then someday package it into a tightly woven memoire. Actually, I expect no less.