Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Where Did The Stuff Go?

The Burn Barrel.

On Sunday, the four of us spent about 4 hours in the garage straightening, moving around, organizing. Everybody knows the drill. After a while the stuff just piles up. We had made several trips to the beach and I had made a couple of educational trips so the beach chairs, umbrellas, suitcases, etc. were literally choking me.

Bill's job is the "burn barrel". Any paper items, boxes, papers are burned. I love that thing. We had a neighbor about 16 years ago who had one and I thought he was a kook, so I take all of that back. We've even had a fall party standing around the burn barrel roasting marshmallows. Great fun.

Back to the story.

It seems the water episode of a couple days ago is not over. A floor plug in the living room had just stopped working last night. We worked on that thing for hours - took it out, blew on it, dusted it off, replaced it.......After concern that Bill was going to electrocute himself good, we finally called #1 son (Wade) who explained to me that I needed to look for the plug it was grounded to.

So, when walking back down to the garage again with Bill to trace the wires he asks......."Where did all of our stuff go?" He surely caught me off-guard as I was not sure exactly which "stuff" he was referring. Lord knows there's been a lot of our "stuff" gone, gone somewhere anyway.

I finally realized that he was talking about all of the crap piled up at the door. The reason for the garage clean-up day to begin with. The event that took place on Sunday in the pouring down rain. The event that was caused by the "water event" of a couple days prior. We moved the cars out of the garage, we moved things around, we burned trash, we swept, I was on a ladder putting things on shelves, he replaced the light bulb in the garage door opener (thank goodness it finally dried out and is working again). He hauled clay pots to the tree house for winter storage. It was a pretty big day.

And he had forgotten.

So, I finally asked, "Honey, we worked in the garage on Sunday, remember? We put all of that stuff up, cleaned up, remember?" To which he replied, "Was I there?"

Last night when giving him his meds he said, "Please don't quit loving me." He has said that several time since he returned from staying at Nanny's with Wade and Amy. Several times Wade reported that he arrived in the mornings to find Bill laying in the bed with his Mother.

These are different times and we have been in uncharted waters now for awhile.

Our patience never wanes. Bill asks the question 10 times, we answer it 10 times and after about #5 we start rephrasing it make it more memorable. I have seen my husband age 10 years in the last two. Something always hurts; back, shoulder, knees, feet, chest, head, throat.

I want my husband back. Our kids want their daddy back. If this was just a trial we were supposed to be in because of past mistakes and transgressions, please forgive me of those now, Lord.

If this is the beginning of a new phase, let it pass. Allow me the time needed to get that baby girl out of high school and on to a campus somewhere. Wrap my mind around the educational opportunities I have been given so that I may grasp and see more clearly what I need to do to provide for my family. Give me strength and give me patience. Continue to make the changes in me so I may accept with grace and humility the challenges ahead while you guide me.

These things I pray today in your name, Lord.


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